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I Garden So I Don't Kill People - T-Shirt
  • I Garden So I Don't Kill People - T-Shirt
I Garden So I Don't Kill People - T-Shirt
$29.99

Therapy is expensive. Gardening is cheaper... and marginally less illegal. This tee is for the person who finds peace in dirt and chaos in crowds. πŸŒΈπŸ’€
CARE & MAINTENANCE

Look, we know you’re tired. But your clothes still deserve a little TLC.

Here’s how to keep your new favorite thing looking… barely functional (in a good way):

  • Wash cold, inside-out
  • Tumble dry low (or hang it like it’s laundry-chic aesthetic)
  • No bleach, no ironing the print
  • Avoid harsh reality and fabric softeners

Basically, treat it better than you treat your inbox.

Still have questions? Email us, but don’t expect us to respond before 9 a.m. (We’re not morning people.)
SHIPPING & RETURNS

Shipping Times:
We’re not Amazon Prime, but we’re trying our best. All items are made-to-order (because mass production is boring), so please allow 2–3 business days for production before your item ships. Once it’s out in the world, you’ll get a tracking number and can anxiously refresh it as often as you’d like.

Returns & Exchanges:
We're a small operation run by emotionally exhausted humans. That means we don’t offer returns or exchanges unless your item shows up defective or cursed. If something’s wrong, shoot us a message with photos and we’ll fix it. Promise.

Translation:
Double-check your size and color before checking out. We love you, but we can’t resell your existential crisis in hoodie form.
Size & Fit

Choosing the right size shouldn’t cause an existential crisis β€” but we’ve been there.

Here’s what you need to know:

  • Sizing is unisex and pretty true-to-size
  • For an oversized look, size up
  • Check the size chart below before committing (regret isn't returnable)

Basically: if you love a cozy fit that hides your burnout, we got you.

Gildan 64000 - Softstyle T-Shirt

XS β€” Width: 16" | Length: 27" | Sleeve: 7.99"
S β€” Width: 18" | Length: 28" | Sleeve: 8.23"
M β€” Width: 20" | Length: 29" | Sleeve: 8.50"
L β€” Width: 22" | Length: 30" | Sleeve: 8.74"
XL β€” Width: 24" | Length: 31" | Sleeve: 9.02"
2XL β€” Width: 26" | Length: 32" | Sleeve: 9.25"
3XL β€” Width: 28" | Length: 33" | Sleeve: 9.49"

Size tolerance: Β±1.5"

Fit note: This is a soft jersey-style tee with a modern fit. Runs true to size with a slightly slimmer feel than traditional heavyweight tees.

Gildan 5000 - Heavyweight T-Shirt

S β€” Width: 18" | Length: 28" | Sleeve (from center back): 15.1"
M β€” Width: 20" | Length: 29" | Sleeve: 16.5"
L β€” Width: 22" | Length: 30" | Sleeve: 18"
XL β€” Width: 24" | Length: 31" | Sleeve: 19.5"
2XL β€” Width: 26" | Length: 32" | Sleeve: 21"
3XL β€” Width: 28" | Length: 33" | Sleeve: 22.4"

Size tolerance: Β±1.5"

Fit note: Classic heavyweight fit. A bit boxier than our softstyle tee β€” perfect if you're into that nostalgic 90s vibe or just want a little extra room to breathe.
PRODUCT SAFETY & COMPLIANCE

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: Gildan 64000, Gildan 5000, Gildan 2400, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Bangladesh

Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), with similar colors , Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean
Carbon-neutral shipping on all orders

Statement-Making. Effort-Minimizing.

A t-shirt that does all the talking, so you don’t have to. Pair with bedhead and an iced coffee you forgot you ordered. Equal parts sarcasm, softness, and β€œI almost didn’t come.”